Tips for making a long-distance relationship work. What dolong-distance relationships have in common that leads to breakups?

Love and Marriage

A long distance relationship where you miss your favoriteboyfriend/girlfriend. In this article, we've compiled a list ofadvantages and disadvantages of long-distance relationships,characteristics of long-distance relationships that lead to breakups,tips on how to make your relationship work even when you're apart, andhow to get out of a long-distance relationship. Whether you're in along-distance relationship or planning to do so, we hope you'll findit helpful.
This time as well, the solutions are based on scientific papers. Thereference papers are as follows.

What is a long-distance relationship?

Long-distance relationships are a classic setting for romance dramasand romance novels.
Although there is no clear definition, it is a state of being in aromantic relationship while living at a distance that makes itdifficult to meet casually, and according to one survey, couples feelthat they are in a “long-distance relationship” when they have totravel more than two hours to meet.
There are two patterns in how such long-distance relationships begin.

  • A case of a long-distance relationship from the start.

    This is a case where you met in a distant place in the first place andthen went straight into a long-distance relationship. The reasons formeeting someone are, for example, study abroad, matching apps, ormeeting someone on a trip.

  • A case that wasn't initially a long-distance relationship.

    This is a case where the relationship wasn't long-distance in thefirst place, but then it became a long-distance relationship. Triggersmay include, for example, your boyfriend/girlfriend's job transfer,study abroad, higher education, or job hunting.

Advantages and disadvantages of long-distance relationships

There seem to be many disadvantages to long-distance relationships,but what exactly are the advantages and disadvantages?

  • Advantages of long-distance relationships
    • It's hard for a relationship to get into a rut.
    • You can enjoy your alone time.
    • The importance of a lover sticks with you.
    • It's a great pleasure to see your lover.
    • You can experience new places and cultures through your boyfriend orgirlfriend.
  • Disadvantages of a long-distance relationship
    • It's hard to see your lover and you don't know if you're in a relationship.
    • It's easy to feel anxious and lonely.
    • Small differences can easily lead to big fights.
    • Transportation and other expenses are high.
    • You don't know when your long-distance relationship will end.

Although long-distance relationships have a lot of negative effects,in reality, they have as many advantages as disadvantages.

Be careful! Common Characteristics of Long Distance Relationships ThatLead to Breakups

While there are many couples who have built a happy future after along-distance relationship, there are still couples who break up dueto differences caused by distance.
Here are some common points of such broken up couples.

What not to do during a long-distance relationship: 1. Set stiff rules.

Don't let either your boyfriend or girlfriend take the initiative andset rules that you must follow.
Even if the other person agrees, if it is “unreasonable consent,” themental burden of the rules will gradually increase and cause abreakup.
The most common rules are as follows

  • Always video call every day.
  • Send each other messages in the morning, afternoon and evening.
  • When you can take a day off, your date's schedule is your top priority.

What not to do during a long-distance relationship: 2. Insufficient Contact

In the beginning, you call every day, but that's reduced to two orthree times a week, and you start to lack communication.
If you don't see each other face to face, and you don't call or textoften enough, you may not feel valued, and you may lose sight of themeaning of your relationship.
Even if you are busy, you have to keep in close contact with him/her.If you don't, the distance between you will make you feel even moreuncomfortable.

What not to do during a long-distance relationship: 3. Excessive Worry

If either your boyfriend or girlfriend is too worried, a long-distancerelationship will not work.
Even if the contact is due to worry, repeated contact can be a burdento the partner. For example, “Call me” or “What have you been up totoday?”
The partner feels untrustworthy by you and the relationship betweenthe two of you deteriorates.

What not to do during a long-distance relationship: 4. Can' t enjoyalone time.

If either your boyfriend or girlfriend is the type of person whodoesn't enjoy alone time, the balance of a long-distance relationshipwill be thrown off. If you don't have any hobbies, you want to be withyour lover all the time, or you feel lonely when you are alone, becareful.
Even though you love them, you may choose to break up with thembecause you can't stand alone time.

It will lead to marriage! Tips for making a long-distance relationship work

Mental instability resulting from anxiety has been shown to have anegative impact on relationships.
So, the key to building a happy future for couples after along-distance relationship is how to get rid of the anxiety andstabilize each other's mental health. Here are some habits to help youdo just that.

How to make a long-distance relationship work: 1. Talk about the future

Couples who successfully overcome long-distance relationships oftentalk about their future together.
Specifically discussing plans for the future that mark the end of along-distance relationship not only relieves the anxiety of not beingable to see each other, but also builds anticipation for thefuture.
For example:

  • I hope you get to live with me when you next transfer.
  • I'm going to change jobs next winter, so just wait and see.
  • I'll be done in a month, so let's just hang in there until then.

How to make a long-distance relationship work: 2. Set the frequency ofmeeting.

Having a date scheduled and knowing exactly when you'll see each othernext will also reduce the anxiety of long distance.
If you set the frequency of meetings, it reduces the anxiety ofwondering when you will see each other again. Even if you can't seeeach other due to work commitments or other reasons, you'll be able tosee what's coming up next and feel more at ease.
For example:

  • Take turns going to each of the cities you live in once a month.
  • The second Saturday of every month is date day.

How to make a long-distance relationship work: 3. If you can't meet inperson, use a video phone.

If you want to see your loved one's face, be proactive and use a videophone.
Texting and phone calls can be a good enough way to communicate, butthe amount of information on a video phone where you can see facialexpressions and living space is overwhelming.
Spending time together while relaxing and watching the same drama,eating dinner, or having drinks together will enhance your date's moodand bring you closer to each other.

How to make a long-distance relationship work: 4. Don't view the timeyou don't see your lover as a negative

Making sure you have enough alone time is another important factor inovercoming long distance.
Take advantage of the positive aspects of a long-distance relationshipwhere you can have plenty of alone time.
For example:

  • While we can't see each other, let's just focus on studying my credentials!
  • Take up the hobby and surprise the lover!
  • I'll be prettier by the time I see my lover next time!

How to make a long-distance relationship work: 5. Just make sure tosay hello every day.

One couple who married after a long-distance relationship shared thesecret to their success: “No matter how busy we were, we never missedsaying 'good morning' and 'good night' to each other.
Even if it's just a greeting, if the interaction becomes a habit, the”simple contact effect” kicks in and the bond between the coupledeepens across the distance.
The simple contact effect is the effect of repeatedly interacting withsomeone to create a positive image of him or her.

How to get out of a long-distance relationship?

It will vary from person to person whether the goal of getting out ofa long-distance relationship is marriage, living together, or movingto a place where the travel time is less than an hour.
Either way, in order to get out of a long-distance relationship, oneor both of your boyfriend/girlfriend will need to change your place oflife.

How to get out of a long-distance relationship: 1. Changing Residence

Moving to the same city where either your boyfriend or girlfriend canfit in with the other is the most feasible plan for getting out of along-distance relationship.
You can also try to start living together.
If work, studies, and life commitments will inevitably keep you in along-distance relationship for a longer period of time, it's worthmaking the decision.
But it's also a big load for the person moving out. Talk it over and do it.

How to get out of a long-distance relationship: 2. Waiting for the endof the long-distance period.

If you know exactly how long the long-distance relationship will last,such as a study abroad program or a time-limited relocation, you havethe option of continuing on. You can wait as long as you have a goalin mind.
If you build your relationship together by following the habits ofcouples who have grabbed a great future from a long-distancerelationship, you'll get the benefits of long-distance love, such as agreater appreciation for your partner.

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